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The sun glinted off the gold metal head of C-3PO, forcing General Leia to shield her eyes. “I think we need to change the colour of these units to something less reflective. We need to campaign to make that another New Republic directive,” she told her assistant. He nodded and tapped her instructions into his hand-held computer. Leia went on: “There are lots of rules and regulations we need to change now that the Empire is gone. We need to ask the senate to ban force choking

Picard looked at the image of Earth on his view screen. “We’re home, Number One,” he said, smiling slightly. “That view never gets old, does it?” Riker smiled: “No, it doesn’t. I remember seeing it in those legendary Artemis images first in school. Imagine being an early 21st century astronaut, looking back at the Earth like that.” Data turned from the helm: “The first images taken of the Earth from space came from the late 20th century moon missions, Commander.” Riker nodded

The manager smiled weakly at Wednesday and said: “Miss Addams, we don’t believe your talents are best suited to the customer service function of the running of Highland Park Stately Home. “Your work experience period has seen one bride run screaming from her wedding reception after finding pirhanas in the punch, a coach party of international fencers leaving after 24 hours following a match with you, and reports of strange scuttling noises coming from your room.” Wednesday sh

Marilyn positively skipped into the lounge and handed Lily Munster the local paper. “They’re re-opening Mockingbird Heights Historic Mansion as a visitor attraction. Did you know that Edgar Allan Poe is rumoured to have stayed there once? I’ve always wanted to see inside it. It looks so old, and interesting, and…” she said excitedly… “Wonderfully ghoulish!” Lily said, completing her sentence. Marilyn nodded and smiled. Lily gazed at her over the top of the newspaper: “You kno

Gordon Thorpe’s head was in his hands as he sat at his table in the hospital cafeteria. “I can’t believe all the steps we need to take to get up to speed for this health and safety review,” he muttered to himself. The hospital administrator had sent him a sheaf of papers showing everything that needed attention, from fire safety and oxygen cylinder storage safety to the imminent implementation of Martyn’s Law to help combat terrorism. Gordon sighed loudly. “Penny for ‘em,” sa

The door to the Chief Executive’s office flew open and Harriet Schulenburg fell into the room clutching a large bag. She tottered to the chair and sat down, dropping the bag on the floor. A small xylophone and a chewed dog bone fell out. She pushed them back in quickly, muttering: “Blinking grandchildren…” She opened her laptop and the Teams call tone started buzzing. She sighed and clicked on the accept call button. Sue White appeared on screen. “Morning, Harriet, do I loo

Dr Kilmore sighed as he viewed the mountain of paperwork on his desk. He smiled weakly at Nurse Clarke. “Running a hospital is 75% admin,” he said. “Getting to see patients is a rare treat these days. Most of my cases have gone to Dr Tinkle…” Nurse Clarke rolled her eyes: “At least he’s no longer in charge, and Matron has retired. They were obsessed with everyone’s private lives! Keep him busy, I say…” She handed Dr Kilmore another document: “More paperwork for your pile. It’

The credits rolled as This Time with Alan Partridge came to an end. Alan pulled off his microphone and shouted: “Lynn! Lynn! Lynn!” Lynn came out of the wings and said: “Yes, Alan?” He smiled: “Another amazing show! That Belfast woman with her pet axolotl was televisual gold!” Lynn smiled nervously: “As long as she finds it safe and well behind the sofa. You did drop it from quite a height, Alan.” He shrugged: “What’s on the agenda tomorrow?” Lynn looked at her tablet: “Well,

The marketplace of Pompeii was filled with stalls laden with all sorts of fruits, vegetables, breads, oils, and cheeses. Lurcio sighed in contentment and said: “It’s days like today that I almost enjoy being a slave to Ludicrus Sextus and his wife Ammonia. “Now what do we need for the festival? Figs, swans to roast, a crate of dormice, 25 rounds of goat’s cheese, a sackful of olives, an amphora of olive oil, ten amphoras of wine, no better make that twenty. “It’s a good thing

Steven Toast glared at his agent. “I’ve had acting jobs on both sides of the Atlantic and you expect me to open a carnival in Devon! Is there nothing else for me? What about that Star Wars thing?” he snapped. Brooke Hooberman steeled herself as she took a drink from her whisky glass, then replied: “Went to Alan Tudyk.” Toast grunted: “He gets all the robots! Why can’t you get me a robot?” Brooke sighed: “Look, Toast, just do this one thing for me and I’ll put you up for a rog

Terry Medford took off his Panama hat and sat down at the garden table while his wife June poured tea. “It’s fantastic news, isn’t it June?” She smiled weakly and nodded: “Yes, dear. Marvellous.” Terry went on: “Imagine, the next Royal Horticultural Society flower show in Purley! Think of all the benefits it’ll bring to the borough, and how wonderful it will be for residents like us…” June sighed: “Yes, dear, but it’s going to entail a lot of work to establish a new major flo

Sandra looked out over the beach at the waves and the horizon. Beryl licked her ice cream cone and sat down on a bench. “It’s hardly Torremolinos, is it?” Beryl complained. “Oh, Beryl, there’s a whole world out there that isn’t Torremolinos…” Beryl snorted: “Nice, Cannes, Rio de Janeiro…Rhyl…” She waved her hands around: “The last time we were here Edward Heath was Prime Minister. They got a new Sun Centre but the rain hasn’t changed much.” Sandra adjusted her rain hat: “It’s

Al couldn’t believe his eyes. “Dad, why do you have a fish stapled to your beanie hat?” he asked. Bert grinned: “Not just a fish, my lad, a Cornish sardine…” Al shrugged: “Why do you have a Cornish sardine stapled to your hat?” Bert replied: “Tourists, thousands of ‘em…” Al shrugged again: “Nope, still gave no idea. How will putting sardines on your hat attract thousands of tourists to Portwenn?” Bert tapped his nose: “Not real sardines. Pictures of ‘em to spread the word abo

Sally winced as she said: “Now we go live to Damien Day on the touch line at the FA Cup Final. Who do you have with you, Damien?” Damien looked earnestly into the camera and replied: “Ted Bennett, the Chief Executive of Berkhampton FC is with us. Ted, what a journey it’s been for your team! The giant killers who got all the way to the final. How are you feeling?” Ted stared blankly: “Yeah. Good.” Damien coughed and added: “You’re up against one of the biggest teams in world f

Father Dougal kicked the ball hard at Father ‘Damo’ Lennon, who smacked it into an upstairs window at the parochial house. A flustered Mrs Doyle opened it, and shouted down: “Careful, Fathers! Father Jack is having his nap and none of us would want to wake him now, would we?” Dougal shook his head violently, remembering the last time Jack had been woken suddenly. “No, quite right there, Mrs Doyle! We don’t have the fishing net and rubber gloves to hand.” He turned to Father

Leslie Higgins sighed and looked at the sea of blank faces. “Martyn’s Law. We need to be ready for it,” he said, gesturing to the Power Point presentation on the screen in front of them. Ted nodded: “I agree, we need to be playing our part in keeping the fans of AFC Richmond, our staff, and the visiting teams and fans safe. Been reading up on it since the law got the Royal Assent…” He turned to Trent Crimm who was busy making notes in his reporter’s notebook… “…I love that th

Victor glared at Pippa. “It’s all the noise and disruption! We’ve had two vans blocking the cul de sac for hours now, and I can’t hear Gardener’s Question Time above the inane chatter about EastEnders…,” he said, barely pausing for breath. “Then, there was the unfortunate incident with the wheelbarrow and Mrs Warboys. She was traumatised by falling in it and it careering off down the close like that. They simply shouldn’t have left it where they did…” Pippa sighed: “Well, the

Philomena Cunk looked blankly at Professor Brian Cox. “You’ve just told me the world’s going to end but you’re smiling. What’s wrong with you, Brian Cox?” she asked. Professor Cox laughed: “It’s a long time in the future. Neither of us will see it happen.” Cunk shrugged: “You don’t know that. They’re making amazing scientific discoveries all the time, aren’t they?” “Yeees,” Professor Cox replied, hesitantly. “They could find some AI-powered bot we could all get downloaded int

Lance looked at Andy in despair. “This metal detector doesn’t power itself, does it? And how we generate our power has a massive impact on the planet, doesn’t it?” he said. He looked out over the rolling green fields and hedges and into the blue sky: “We’ve got to protect all this, haven’t we?” Andy nodded in agreement. “It’s just that £50,000 is a big investment. I know you won the lottery and you have the money, but what about saving for your old age? What about all the oth

Sister Michael winced as she saw Jenny Joyce appear in her doorway. “Yes, Jenny, what can I do for you?” she asked wearily. “It’s what I can do for YOU, Sister…” Jenny replied with an unsettling grin that made Sister Michael’s blood chill slightly. “Now, what could I be needing from you, Jenny?” she asked. Jenny grinned her unsettling grin again and Sister Michael said: “Stop that now, Jenny. It’s not natural…” Jenny shrugged: “Well, I know the school has to get rea