Are you using Mango now, Father Ted?

Father Dougal kicked the ball hard at Father ‘Damo’ Lennon, who smacked it into an upstairs window at the parochial house.

A flustered Mrs Doyle opened it, and shouted down: “Careful, Fathers! Father Jack is having his nap and none of us would want to wake him now, would we?”

Dougal shook his head violently, remembering the last time Jack had been woken suddenly. 

“No, quite right there, Mrs Doyle! We don’t have the fishing net and rubber gloves to hand.”

He turned to Father Damo who said: “She’s just such a drag!”

Dougal nodded: “Yeah…”

Damo pulled a couple of tickets out of his pocket: “Can’t wait to see the FA Cup Final. Almost as good as getting the Oasis reunion tickets, eh?”

Dougal nodded enthusiastically: “Won’t you be worried about the crowds, though?”

Damo shook his head: “Nah, I’m used to it.”

Father Ted joined them: “Are they FA Cup Final tickets, Father?”

Damo shrugged and nodded.

Ted smiled: “That’ll be a grand day! Watch out in those crowds, though! Careful now…”

Damo rolled his eyes and said to Dougal: “Better go. I’m helping with a wedding at 3pm.”

He walked away with the famous Liam Gallagher stride.

Ted looked at Dougal: “I do worry about you young priests at football matches in London. But, things will be tightened up even more soon because Martyn’s Law is coming in there.

Public venues like football stadiums will have a duty to protect fans and employees with detailed risk assessments, effective staff training, and thorough plans for if something does happen. It’s named after Martyn Hett, one of the victims of the 2017 Manchester Arena bombing.”

Dougal nodded: “That all sounds good, Ted, but a lot of extra paperwork. Hope that extra paper doesn’t get in the way of the turnstiles…”

Ted sighed: “They can just get Mango…”

Dougal said: “Oh, grand Ted. They can make a fruit cocktail for when the waiting fans get a bit peckish.”

Ted sighed again: “No, Dougal, the online compliance software called Mango. Keeps all the documents in the cloud.”

Dougal nodded: “Ah, Ted, would that cloud be really small, or really big but far away?”

• Find out how Mango’s online compliance software could help your football club comply with Martyn’s Law. Book a free demonstration which will be delivered via Zoom. We can help you with a Martyn’s Law assessment, too. Call Penarth Management on 029 2070 3328 or email info@penarth.co.uk