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Wash sighed and guided Serenity in to land on the planet. “I am a leaf on the wind,” he muttered as the atmosphere buffeted the spacecraft. Mal threw a look at Zoe: “We ready for this job?” Zoe nodded: “We are. Jayne is locked and loaded in the cargo bay with the cargo, and Badger’s at the rendezvous point waiting for the goods.” Mal sighed: “Let’s make it quick. There have been recent sightings of Reavers in this solar system and we don’t want to be stuck on the surface if t

Kryten threw down the spanner and sighed. “There’s never enough time to do the repairs we need when I have all this extra paperwork to do,” he said, shaking his head. “Space-worthiness certificates, proof of pilot training, proof of manual handling training, cargo manifests…” The Cat smiled: “Why do we need to do all that paperwork? There’s no one left to check up on us! It’s just, you, me, Lister…” Kryten sighed: “And Rimmer.” “Ah!” The Cat said. “Rimmer. He’s making you adh

Dave looked up from wiping a glass at the bar of the Winchester club. “What’s all that about, Tel?” he asked, nodding over to Arthur Daley in deep conversation with a man in a dog collar. Terry McCann chuckled: “Arthur thinks he can make a few quid by offering to host the church pantomime at the Winchester. He’s offering the club free with 25 per cent of the ticket sales going into the Winchester’s ‘community fund’ to help the less fortunate. “The church gets 75 per cent towa

Mark looked at Dobby as she examined wooden Nutcracker soldier figures on the Christmas market stall. “Haven’t you already got two of those? Isn’t that enough?” he asked. Dobby turned and shrugged: “They’re gold and green. This one is red and gold, which goes better with the tree this year.” Mark sighed. Yes, buy another one. Buy them all. Another Nutcracker figure to add to the family of Nutcracker figures in our flat. Fill the entire sitting room with Nutcracker figures sta

The door to the Chief Executive’s office flew open and Harriet Schulenburg fell into the room clutching a large bag. She tottered to the chair and sat down, dropping the bag on the floor. A small xylophone and a chewed dog bone fell out. She pushed them back in quickly, muttering: “Blinking grandchildren…” She opened her laptop and the Teams call tone started buzzing. She sighed and clicked on the accept call button. Sue White appeared on screen. “Morning, Harriet, do I loo

Dr Kilmore sighed as he viewed the mountain of paperwork on his desk. He smiled weakly at Nurse Clarke. “Running a hospital is 75% admin,” he said. “Getting to see patients is a rare treat these days. Most of my cases have gone to Dr Tinkle…” Nurse Clarke rolled her eyes: “At least he’s no longer in charge, and Matron has retired. They were obsessed with everyone’s private lives! Keep him busy, I say…” She handed Dr Kilmore another document: “More paperwork for your pile. It’

The credits rolled as This Time with Alan Partridge came to an end. Alan pulled off his microphone and shouted: “Lynn! Lynn! Lynn!” Lynn came out of the wings and said: “Yes, Alan?” He smiled: “Another amazing show! That Belfast woman with her pet axolotl was televisual gold!” Lynn smiled nervously: “As long as she finds it safe and well behind the sofa. You did drop it from quite a height, Alan.” He shrugged: “What’s on the agenda tomorrow?” Lynn looked at her tablet: “Well,

For organisations who recognise the importance of effective health, safety and wellbeing in the workplace (which may include those who...

Leslie Higgins sighed and looked at the sea of blank faces. “Martyn’s Law. We need to be ready for it,” he said, gesturing to the Power Point presentation on the screen in front of them. Ted nodded: “I agree, we need to be playing our part in keeping the fans of AFC Richmond, our staff, and the visiting teams and fans safe. Been reading up on it since the law got the Royal Assent…” He turned to Trent Crimm who was busy making notes in his reporter’s notebook… “…I love that th

“Sharon Eversleigh!” the man shouted as he turned the corner into the new Fenn Street School. Sharon turned and said: “I haven’t been Eversleigh for 45 years!” She stopped and looked at the man and asked: “Eric? Eric Duffy?” He nodded: “Haven’t seen you in 50 years!” Sharon laughed. Eric asked: “What are you doing back here?” Sharon replied: “My daughter’s the new head teacher.” Eric guffawed: “What a turn up for the books!” Sharon smiled: “What about you?” Er

Jackie put the jumper in her basket and thought: “Adam will love this. Now, where do I find the baby clothes for my new grandchildren?” She caught sight of herself beaming with pride in the nearby mirror…then saw a familiar face behind her. “Hello Jackie. You look nice,” Jim said. Taken aback, Jackie turned to her neighbour and replied: “Oh, hello Jim. Fancy seeing you here…” “Fancy seeing me here…” he said. After an awkward silence, Jackie said: “Doing a spot of Christmas sh

How Miranda met Mango: a retail romantic comedy Miranda stumbled through the front door of her joke shop, pulled herself up and grinned at Stevie. “Oops! Nearly fell into the whoopie cushions!” Stevie smiled back, grabbed her cardboard cutout of Heather Small, and started to sing… “What have you done today, to make you feel prooooooud?” Miranda said: “Good morning, then?” Stevie nodded: “Sold 25 light-up Santas to Mr Brown, the manager of the local care home.”

Nadia stormed out of the house meeting and slammed the door. “I cannot believe that Laszlo!” she said, baring her vampire teeth. “I come in with some fantastic ideas about running the vampire theme park we’re building in England, and he just huffed and said he was leaving it all to some piece of fruit!” She transformed into a bat and flew out of the window. “I need some space away from my husband!” she shouted as she left. Colin Robinson opened the door, left the room, and sh

Sicknote gasped in exasperation and shrugged.“ I don’t know what to do, Jean. The Station Officer won’t give me the weekend off so I can sing the Pirate King in the Penge Occasional Players production of the Pirates of Penzance,” Sicknote said, slumping down into the armchair. Jean sighed. “Well, your understudy will have to do it. What’s so important that you have to be on shift with Blue Watch this weekend?” Sicknote laughed. “I have to visit theatres across the West End to

Diles Price shouted at her son Norman: “Norman Price! How many times have I told you not to keep that fire door open? You can take that doorstop away right now!” Norman sighed: “But it’s a pain carrying everything in and out of our new flat, Mam! It takes twice as long to do anything!” Dilys opened the window and shouted down into the street where Fireman Sam, Elvis, and the Station Officer were clearing up after a training session. “Sam, can you come up here and talk some se

Trisha Yates flicked her hair back and gave Tucker a withering look. “You know nuffink, Tucker,” she said, glaring. Tucker shrugged. “It’s what I heard Bullet Baxter telling Bridget…er Mrs McCluskey after assembly this morning,” he said. “They’re closing down the gym because of health and safety. We’ll have to go to Willesden High for PE for the rest of the term.” Trisha snorted: “As if I’d believe you!” Alan Hargreaves pushed open the double doors and walked into the corrido

Pat beamed: “I just love the Olympics! The opening ceremony, the athletics, the swimming, the volleyball…” He turned to Alison and asked: “Can we watch all of it?” Alison laughed and nodded: “We’ll leave two TVs on day and night for you. Whatever you want to watch.” Julian snorted: “Bet he won’t want to watch the archery!” Pat sighed: “Actually, I will. I was always fond of it. I won’t be put off just because one scout shot an arrow through my neck and killed me.” Alison rais

Jim looked confused. “No, no, no, no, no…yes,” he said. Geraldine smiled. “Brilliant! The village sports day wouldn’t be the same without...

Gordon Brittas strode into Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre, polishing the door handle gently as he passed through it. “We can’t be too careful with cleanliness, Carole…,” he said, walking over to reception. “No, Mr Brittas,” said Carole. He clasped his hands behind his back, and pushed out his chest. On his blazer was a Team GB crest from the 2012 Olympics. “I’ll never forget my time coaching Britain’s elite athletes,” he said, wistfully. “Whenever the Olympics com

Michelle and James pushed open the school door and ran into the corridor to meet Clare, Orla, and Erin. “Did you get them?” Michelle asked. Erin looked glum. “Well?” Michelle asked. Erin broke into a smile. “Yes, I got the tickets! We’re going to Glastonbury! Orbital, Lenny Kravitz, Stereo MCs! Boys!” Erin shouted as she and all the group jumped up and down. “What the heck will we tell our Mas? They don’t even like it if we go to Belfast,” Orla asked, before putti