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The sun glinted off the gold metal head of C-3PO, forcing General Leia to shield her eyes. “I think we need to change the colour of these units to something less reflective. We need to campaign to make that another New Republic directive,” she told her assistant. He nodded and tapped her instructions into his hand-held computer. Leia went on: “There are lots of rules and regulations we need to change now that the Empire is gone. We need to ask the senate to ban force choking

Picard looked at the image of Earth on his view screen. “We’re home, Number One,” he said, smiling slightly. “That view never gets old, does it?” Riker smiled: “No, it doesn’t. I remember seeing it in those legendary Artemis images first in school. Imagine being an early 21st century astronaut, looking back at the Earth like that.” Data turned from the helm: “The first images taken of the Earth from space came from the late 20th century moon missions, Commander.” Riker nodded

Wash sighed and guided Serenity in to land on the planet. “I am a leaf on the wind,” he muttered as the atmosphere buffeted the spacecraft. Mal threw a look at Zoe: “We ready for this job?” Zoe nodded: “We are. Jayne is locked and loaded in the cargo bay with the cargo, and Badger’s at the rendezvous point waiting for the goods.” Mal sighed: “Let’s make it quick. There have been recent sightings of Reavers in this solar system and we don’t want to be stuck on the surface if t

Kryten threw down the spanner and sighed. “There’s never enough time to do the repairs we need when I have all this extra paperwork to do,” he said, shaking his head. “Space-worthiness certificates, proof of pilot training, proof of manual handling training, cargo manifests…” The Cat smiled: “Why do we need to do all that paperwork? There’s no one left to check up on us! It’s just, you, me, Lister…” Kryten sighed: “And Rimmer.” “Ah!” The Cat said. “Rimmer. He’s making you adh

Lee threw down his car keys in protest. “I am not going out to a blinking pantomime with Toby and Anna,” he said. Lucy sighed: “It’s for the kids! And Anna’s just started managing the theatre so she needs all the support she can get.” Lee humphed: “Well she won’t be winning hearts and minds with a charm offensive! She missed those lessons at Mrs Snooty’s Academy for Battleaxes…” Anna, who had just walked in the open back door with Toby, stared at Lee. He said: “And that’s wha

Alex fumed: “Adam! Why on earth did you agree to stage a pantomime on top of everything else? “I hardly ever see you as it is! Now, we’ll have every pushy stage parent in Hackney trying to get their little darling a speaking part and every unemployed actor in London will be turning up for auditions to keep their hand in, telling you how you don’t direct them well.” Adam sighed: “The church needs the funds for our outreach programme with the homeless. St Saviour’s in the Marsh

Dave looked up from wiping a glass at the bar of the Winchester club. “What’s all that about, Tel?” he asked, nodding over to Arthur Daley in deep conversation with a man in a dog collar. Terry McCann chuckled: “Arthur thinks he can make a few quid by offering to host the church pantomime at the Winchester. He’s offering the club free with 25 per cent of the ticket sales going into the Winchester’s ‘community fund’ to help the less fortunate. “The church gets 75 per cent towa

Martin tutted and looked at the map of the Christmas market stalls. “It’s all higgledy piggledy, Ann. There’s no rhyme or reason to any of it! A handmade wooden gifts stall next to a raclette stall selling smelly cheese, a local artist selling paintings next to a stall with handmade hats…” He sighed. “The food should be in one section, handicrafts in another, fine art in another. That would allow us to make the most of our time here.” Ann smiled her patient smile. “I like the

Mother’s voice boomed across the Christmas market… “Timothy!” He flinched and looked around in embarrassment. “Can’t take her anywhere!” he said to the German sausage seller, completing his purchase. Mother waved him over to a stall selling Belgian chocolates. “These are the ones I want to open on Christmas morning,” she said, loudly. Timothy laughed awkwardly. “Tell your father. He’s over there getting quietly sozzled on mulled wine.” Timothy asked: “Gluhwein?” Mother replie

Mark looked at Dobby as she examined wooden Nutcracker soldier figures on the Christmas market stall. “Haven’t you already got two of those? Isn’t that enough?” he asked. Dobby turned and shrugged: “They’re gold and green. This one is red and gold, which goes better with the tree this year.” Mark sighed. Yes, buy another one. Buy them all. Another Nutcracker figure to add to the family of Nutcracker figures in our flat. Fill the entire sitting room with Nutcracker figures sta

The manager smiled weakly at Wednesday and said: “Miss Addams, we don’t believe your talents are best suited to the customer service function of the running of Highland Park Stately Home. “Your work experience period has seen one bride run screaming from her wedding reception after finding pirhanas in the punch, a coach party of international fencers leaving after 24 hours following a match with you, and reports of strange scuttling noises coming from your room.” Wednesday sh

Fred sighed and glared at Shaggy. “We’ve been hired by the town council to run this haunted English stately home for Halloween so we don’t have time to take the Mystery Machine into town to buy more Scooby snacks,” he explained wearily. “Why don’t you boys go off to the kitchen and make one of your enormous sandwiches instead?” Scooby said excitedly shouted: “Rooby rooby doo!” They padded out of the room and left Fred with the mountain of paperwork. “Food safety certificate f

Marilyn positively skipped into the lounge and handed Lily Munster the local paper. “They’re re-opening Mockingbird Heights Historic Mansion as a visitor attraction. Did you know that Edgar Allan Poe is rumoured to have stayed there once? I’ve always wanted to see inside it. It looks so old, and interesting, and…” she said excitedly… “Wonderfully ghoulish!” Lily said, completing her sentence. Marilyn nodded and smiled. Lily gazed at her over the top of the newspaper: “You kno

Gordon Thorpe’s head was in his hands as he sat at his table in the hospital cafeteria. “I can’t believe all the steps we need to take to...

The door to the Chief Executive’s office flew open and Harriet Schulenburg fell into the room clutching a large bag. She tottered to the...

Dr Kilmore sighed as he viewed the mountain of paperwork on his desk. He smiled weakly at Nurse Clarke. “Running a hospital is 75%...

The credits rolled as This Time with Alan Partridge came to an end. Alan pulled off his microphone and shouted: “Lynn! Lynn! Lynn!” Lynn...

Abbey Grove School headteacher Mr Fraser took a long look at the two groups of teenagers lined up in the yard. “Alfie Wickers, Will...

Tony Mammoth stepped out of his Ford Capri, took off his aviator sunglasses, and looked at the school’s main reception door. His head of...

The marketplace of Pompeii was filled with stalls laden with all sorts of fruits, vegetables, breads, oils, and cheeses. Lurcio sighed in...