This Time with Alan Partridge…it’s Mango!

The credits rolled as This Time with Alan Partridge came to an end.

Alan pulled off his microphone and shouted: “Lynn! Lynn! Lynn!”

Lynn came out of the wings and said: “Yes, Alan?”

He smiled: “Another amazing show! That Belfast woman with her pet axolotl was televisual gold!”

Lynn smiled nervously: “As long as she finds it safe and well behind the sofa. You did drop it from quite a height, Alan.”

He shrugged: “What’s on the agenda tomorrow?”

Lynn looked at her tablet: “Well, you’re going out to Lincolnshire to film an interview with the headteacher of a high school about the mountain of red tape school leaders face these days.”

Alan nodded: “It’s the scourge of our nation, Lynn. Red tape holding us all back in so many ways, from business to building my new extension. It’s high time it was exposed…”

Lynn looked down at her tablet so she could roll her eyes: “His name is Gerard Whiting and he’s been the head at Otter’s Holt Community School for the past five years. He says red tape has been growing rapidly but that he has the solution.”

Alan motioned for Lynn to walk with him to his car: “Well, I wish he would tell East Anglia County Council. Maybe that would help them process my planning application in a more speedy fashion.”

He hopped into his car and shouted: “I’ll pick you up at 7am!”

Lynn replied: “The interview’s not until 11.30am and it’s only an hour away…”

Alan shouted back: “Need to do my weekly shopping. You can push the trolley…”

****

Alan shook Mr Whiting’s hand: “A pleasure to meet you…”

The crew set up the camera, lighting, and microphones and Lynn shuffled awkwardly in the background.

“Mr Whiting, tell us about the red tape your school faces,” Alan said.

Mr Whiting replied: “There are lots of things we have to do in the background to ensure our school runs smoothly, especially as we prepare for each new school year. There are health and safety regulations to be followed, environmental laws to be complied with, food safety procedures to deal with and certifications to obtain, and we must deal with sensitive information about students, teachers, and parents securely.

“We’re also looking at how we will be affected by the new anti-terror legislation Martyn’s Law. This gives venues where the public meet, including schools and colleges, a legal duty to protect the public.”

Alan nodded: “So, what’s the answer? A bonfire of the red tape? Is it all health and safety gone mad?”

Mr Whiting looked shocked: “No! We need these rules to protect us all. The answer is Mango.”

Alan shrugged: “How is a tropical fruit going to help? Are you going to throw it at the red tape?”

Mr Whiting sighed: “No, the online compliance software called Mango. It stores documents in the cloud and we can access it from anywhere with an internet connection. No more piles of paperwork and we cut down on staff admin time.”

Alan said: “Interesting…but how will this help me with my extension? That’s what everyone wants to know…”

Mr Whiting looked at Lynn in despair: “I don’t know…”

Alan looked at the camera.

“A complex situation, folks. Little surprise that Mr Whiting here doesn’t have all the answers…”

He motioned ‘cut’ and glared at Lynn. 

“It’s a good job you got me that senior citizen’s discount at the supermarket, Lynn. At least my morning hasn’t been entirely wasted…”

• Find out how Mango’s online compliance software could help your school. Book a free demonstration which will be delivered via Zoom. We can help you with a Martyn’s Law assessment, too. Call Penarth Management on 029 2070 3328 or email info@penarth.co.uk

• Need information on Martyn’s Law? Take a look at the programme of free seminars from our sister company The Protect Alliance: Events | The Protect Alliance (UK)