If it’s Wednesday, your stately home is going to need Mango

The manager smiled weakly at Wednesday and said: “Miss Addams, we don’t believe your talents are best suited to the customer service function of the running of Highland Park Stately Home.

“Your work experience period has seen one bride run screaming from her wedding reception after finding pirhanas in the punch, a coach party of international fencers leaving after 24 hours following a match with you, and reports of strange scuttling noises coming from your room.”

Wednesday shrugged: “That’s Thing…he’s my…pet…”

The manager sighed: “There is a no pets policy here. And what sort of pet…scuttles?”

Wednesday glared. Morticia smiled at the manager, which unnerved him even more. She said: “We’re sorry for any inconvenience and we would like to reimburse you for any lost revenue.

“We do feel that Wednesday’s talents are somewhat underused on this placement and that she would be better off back at the Nevermore Academy preparing for her examinations.”

Wednesday continued to glare at him without blinking.

The manager said: “That’s very kind of you Mrs Addams. We’ll send you a breakdown of costs, minus the savings Wednesday made for us by suggesting a new online compliance system.”

Morticia raised an eyebrow: “Oh, I wasn’t aware that there had been some successful aspects to her stay.”

The manager smiled: “Wednesday suggested we adopt Mango…”

Morticia asked: “Is that YOUR pet?”

The manager shook his head: “Still…no pets…No, it’s online compliance software called Mango. We can now store all our health and safety documents in the cloud, freeing up space in the office and reducing the fire risk…”

He waited for an encouraging laugh. It was not forthcoming.

“…We can access whatever we need wherever there’s an internet connection, so it saves us time, too, which means we can focus on looking after our visitors.

“Our sister site in the UK is also now using Mango to prepare for the implementation of new anti terror legislation called Martyn’s Law.

“Stately homes there now have a legal duty to help protect the public and combat terrorism, so they need detailed risk assessments, adequate staff training, and good communication.”

Morticia nodded: “Quite right. I’m glad Wednesday could be of some help. Where did you hear about Mango, Wednesday?”

She glared at her mother: “I’m psychic…”

Morticia smiled: “The sharp tongue of the teenager! I’m sure we’ll be out of this phase in another 25 years…

“Come along, Wednesday, go and get your bags and bring your…pet…”

• Find out how Mango’s online compliance software could help your stately home, visitor attraction, or heritage site. Book a free demonstration which will be delivered via Zoom. We can help you with a Martyn’s Law assessment, too. Call Penarth Management on 029 2070 3328 or email info@penarth.co.uk

• Need information on Martyn’s Law? Take a look at the programme of free seminars from our sister company The Protect Alliance: Events | The Protect Alliance (UK)