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Blackadder’s festival for the Queen would be so much easier with Mango!

The Queen turned on her heel and glared at Lord Melchett.


“What do you mean you haven’t organised a surprise festival for my birthday, Melchett?


“You organise a surprise festival for me for every birthday!” she shouted, hands on her hips.


Lord Melchett shook and said: “But, your majesty, you told me you’d chop my head off if I did it again this year!”


The Queen snorted: “Well, I’ll bally well chop your head off now if you DON’T!”


Nursey nodded and went back to her knitting.


Edmund Blackadder smiled and bowed.


“Your majesty, Lord Melchett is, in fact, telling you the truth. He hasn’t organised a surprise festival for your birthday with fireworks and cake and presents…” Blackadder said.


The Queen shouted: “That’s it! Chop it off!”


As the guards moved forward, Blackadder continued: “…because I’ve organised it. With a trip on the river, a picnic for everyone at court, games, and a play by some new writer I’ve never heard of before. Shake-something…”


The Queen beamed.


“You boys! You had me believing you’d forgotten! What a good joke, Edmund!” she said.


Lord Melchett gave a forced grin.


“Yes, a very good joke Blackadder…” he said.


“So,” the Queen continued, “have you organised everything with my food tasters, my guards, my cooks?”


Blackadder nodded.


“Yes, ma’am. I’ve spent months writing lists, sending notes, and getting my man Baldrick here to buy up every quail and partridge in the country.”


The Queen nodded to Nursey who went to get their cloaks.


“This new play had better be good, Edmund!” she said.


Blackadder smiled. “It’s the history of King Henry VI, ma’am,” he said.


The Queen huffed: “Tell him to write a comedy next time!”




Back at his apartments, Blackadder sank into his armchair.


“I’m exhausted, Baldrick! Running between chefs and guards and the fireworks men…putting on a festival is hard work,” he said.


Baldrick nodded: “It is, my lord. Then there were all the permits needed for the play, having a detailed plan to make sure the Queen was safe when there are Spanish spies everywhere, training the staff, getting the permissions for the guilds of butchers and bakers to sell their wares to the gentle folk…”


Blackadder rubbed his eyes then looked at his table: “The eye-watering amount of paperwork in my rooms…”


Baldrick sighed.


“Imagine if there was a machine that could hold all of this information in one place without having all this paper,” he said.


“Imagine if you could somehow have a system to get to that information from wherever you are, the court, your rooms, the privy…


“Think how much time that would save! And your staff could get to it too! That would make organising a festival or any event so much easier.”


Blackadder laughed: “Well that would be a cunning plan, Balders! Except for the inconvenient fact that you can’t read…”


Baldrick shrugged.


“I could learn, my lord,” he said. “You could teach me.”


Blackadder laughed again: “That’s as likely as an elephant putting on new shoes and a new dress and calling herself Brenda…”


Baldrick sighed: “Yes, my lord.”


Blackadder asked: “What would you call this system for your machine? Turnip?”


Baldrick shook his head. “No, my lord. As it would allow me to get in with my duties, I’d call it Man-go…”


Blackadder scratched his chin: “Mango…sounds like something not yet discovered. Like that bally potato Raleigh has been crowing about around court…”


  • Find out how Mango’s online compliance software could help events and festival organisers like you. Book a free demonstration which will be delivered via Zoom. We can help you achieve the ISOs you need, too. Call Penarth Management on 029 2070 3328 or email

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