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ethandcoombes

If your stately home needs haunting, please call Rentaghost…and Mango!

The huge, old, oak doors of Maladroit Manor creaked slowly open.

Mrs De Vries, the owner, walked through them and motioned around the grand entrance hall.

“Well, what do you think?” she asked.

Adam Painting nodded and smiled at her.

“Wonderful…so much history…Yes, of course our ghosts can create a truly terrifying experience for your visitors this Halloween!”

Mrs De Vries sighed.

“The staff and myself used to do it every year, but we find ourselves tied up with so much paperwork these days that we can’t plan it, let along execute it…”

Timothy Claypole’s head appeared through the stone wall.

“Tell her not to mention executions, as a few of our colleagues might get very stressed by that!” he said.

Adam smiled and nodded.

“Our ghosts are a little…sensitive…about the ‘e’ word…” he said.

Mrs De Vries laughed.

“Good point, well made. Will we see any of them today?”

Adam shook his head.

“Manifestation takes a lot out of them, so they’ll need to keep that for the actual performance,” he explained.

Mrs De Vries shrugged: “Well, you come highly recommended from Stirrup Castle’s owner the Marquis of Grofield, so I’m sure your…people…will do a marvellous job.”

Fred Mumford appeared through the floor and shook his head.

“It’s a lovely stately home and the past’s everywhere here, but have they thought about the future?” he asked.

“They’re definitely not ready for Martyn’s Law. That’s coming in this year, I believe, and they’ll have to be ready. The law means they need to prepare detailed plans to help combat terrorist attacks and protect the public.”

Mr Claypole used his stick with a balloon on it to scratch his head.

“I don’t understand any of this…” he said.

Mrs De Vries opened the door to the long gallery and motioned for Adam to look around.

“Take a look at your leisure and come and find me in the office when you’re done,” she said.

Adam walked in and the ghosts followed.

“I know what you mean, Fred. They’re still doing things like keeping staff training records and certificates for the boiler on paper. It must be taking up so much time and space,” he said.

Fred sighed.

“That hotel we haunted last week was so much better. They keep everything in the cloud…”

Mr Claypole looked out of the window and up at the sky.

“How?!” he asked.

Fred laughed: “No, it’s storage attached to computers that they can access wherever there’s internet connection…”

Mr Claypole said: “Oh!…What’s a computer and what’s the internet?”

Fred sighed again: “The computer is the small box they open on their desks and the internet is the way these boxes communicate with each other…”

Mr Claypole jabbed a laptop on the reception desk with his stick.

“What are they saying?! Are they talking about us?”

Fred shook his head: “I very much doubt that! They send information on the stately home to the public to help them plan their visits.”

Mr Claypole nodded.

Adam sighed: “Yes, that hotel used online compliance software called Mango to manage its records. They recommended it to us, too. It’s certainly useful for venues like stately homes that will need to keep detailed risk assessments and staff training information ahead of Martyn’s Law being introduced.”

Mr Claypole scratched his head again.

“I thought a mango was a fruit, Fred…”

Fred smiled: “It is!”

Mr Claypole looked dejected.

“I will never understand this modern world…”


  • Find out how Mango’s online compliance software could help your stately home comply with health and safety regulations and get ready for Martyn’s Law. Book a free demonstration which will be delivered via Zoom. We can help you achieve the ISOs you need, too. Call Penarth Management on 029 2070 3328 or email info@penarth.co.uk

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